Well for a while I was keeping it a secret. But now that it’s out, I’ve just been avoiding it.

My best friend (Elli) got engaged! And not only that, she will be married in a matter of weeks and moving to Atlanta, on the same street as my sister.

Where to begin… I think I’ve wanted to avoid thinking about it so I’ve shrugged off my writing. Instead of leaning in, I’ve made list upon list, Pinterest board, ideas for her engagement, bachelorette, and wedding to help anyway I can.

Instead of facing it, I’ve turned to helping and planning, planning, planning, which is definitely not a bad thing, but it’s not taking away the anxiety I feel about all of this impending change. (Which as you know, is not my strong suit).

So in order for the engagement to be even a little bit of a surprise, I kept a secret from my best friend for 6 weeks! Isaac, her now fiancé and a close friend of mine, planned the proposal, I planned the after-party.

Isaac had already moved to Atlanta (for a whole 2 weeks) and was back again for the proposal. She may have caught on…

He proposed at Schiller Park while Jake and I hid behind a giant tree, bringing Elli to tears for a second time since he got down on one knee.

After our dinner, I told her that I booked a reservation at a candle making studio. The truth was, I had rented the studio out for a small party of family and friends. Queue tears for a third time. The surprise was a success.

But before Elli joins Isaac in Atlanta, they want to be married. So the countdown is on, 6 weeks until the wedding. And only a little longer until my best friend moves out of state.

I’m 25, weddings should feel like the natural path at this age, right? But when I first found out, I was in shock. I wrote this poem in February:

My best friend is getting married
I remember when we spent every waking moment together
I miss the days when we were each other’s
I think this means we’re finally growing up
We’re still all friends
But they will be husband and wife
And I’ll just be the best friend

I think part of me feels like once she gets married, we’ve officially grown up or something. That it will be the two of them. Not the two of us.

It’s hard to move on. Even harder when I know I’ll see her less. And she’ll be far away in the moments when I want to sit on the couch and talk for hours. I’m crying while writing this– see that’s why I’ve been avoidant! Proof!

But this isn’t all about me. I am truly so excited for her. The possibilities ahead of her. She will be in a committed relationship, living with the person she loves in a new city. I can picture her flourishing.

Missing someone just sucks. I’ve missed my sister everyday since she moved to Atlanta. And now I’ll miss Elli too. I miss her now and she hasn’t even left yet.

This weekend, at a wedding for another high school friend, Elli and I both agreed that you can have different kinds of soulmates in life.

In friendship, she’s mine and I’m hers.

We became friends when we were 16 maybe? And trust me, the past 9 years have not been pretty. But we always find a way out of the hard stuff. I know we will find our way through this.

I love you, Ellianne. Thanks for being my greatest friend. And I’m excited to be with you in this next phase of your life. I mean it.